My husband asked me one day if women struggled with fantasizing about other men. I just laughed.
"Oh, honey," I said. "We fantasize about a lot of things...but men really aren't one of them."
One of the key differences between men and women that men will never understand. Men fantasize about women. Women fantasize about...having enough alone time to get done all the things we want? Maybe that sounds selfish. Maybe it is. Maybe we are selfish in our fantasies because that is the only time we can ever afford to be selfish - the rest of the time, we are too busy taking care of everyone else!
Here's a short list, by no mean comprehensive, of things women fantasize about:
-sitting on the couch, in a perfectly clean house (that someone else cleaned), sipping wine (or sparkling cider for teetotlaers like me) and watching Jane Austen and Elizabeth Gaskell movies
- eating magical chocolate that makes us thinner with each bite
- waking up in the morning looking like we just spent 3 hours getting ready, without actually having to spend the 3 hours
- going shopping by ourselves, without any kids, and coming home to happy children and dinner already cooked
- sitting in church with our husband and adorable, well-dressed, well-behaved children, who sit still and quietly through the entire service
- bras that make us look good, but feel like we're wearing pajamas, and shoes that look like stilettos, but are as comfortable as bedroom slippers
- finding our favorite brand of clothing, in our size, marked 80% off
- fitting into last year's swimsuit (jeans are applicable too)
- taking a two hour bubble bath with a good book and NO interruptions
- a world where snakes and spiders do not exist
- having a bathroom all to ourselves, so we can scatter our makeup, curling irons, and hair products with impunity and never have to worry about whether the toilet seat is up
- painless childbirth (Hahahahaha! just the thought is hysterical!)
-getting 12 hours of sleep every night
- being served tea and scones from a beautiful china teapot at four o'clock each afternoon by our personal maid just like on Downton Abbey (possibly while watching Downton Abbey...)
- sometimes, I must confess, we fantasize about our husbands getting to experience our monthly periods or, even better, labor! That way they can understand what we go through and show much more gratitude for our forbearance as each month passes without an axe-murder occurring...
- and finally, one of my favorite fantasies, which crosses my mind nearly on a daily basis (including today), looks like this:
Le Sigh. Don't we all wish...
Okay, now pull your head down out of the clouds and go scrub something and find something about your actual life to be thankful for!
Then eat some chocolate and pretend it's magical chocolate that makes you thinner. You never know...it could happen....
Now, what about you, women everywhere? Anything you want to add to my list? (G-rated comments only please!)
